25 Things To Do With a Bike #2

April 8th, 2012 by Biky Nick

The second most popular thing to do with a bike, according to a whitepaper released by research firm YouMister, is also my second favourite thing to do with my bike, to wit: transporting my bike.

All you need to do this is a car (which is one of the few things you cannot buy in my bike shop, but I know a man who will sell you one) and a bike carrier (which I do of course sell in my bike shop). Fix the carrier to the car, as per instructions that come with it, like so:

or so

and then affix the bike to the carrier.

As soon as you have completed this small task, you can begin driving around, at the same time showing off your bike. You will look extremely sporty in a very serious way, especially if you have a top-notch bike on the back, and you will never even have to get out of the car and get wet, tired or sweaty to portray this image.
Several factors are at play here. In the first instance, the fact that you are carrying a bike shows that you mean business: your cycling destination is so far away from your home that you could never reach it by bike, indicating that serious planning went into the trip.

Secondly, the fact that you are prepared to carry all this dead weight on the back conveys the message that cycling means a lot to you.
Last but not least, because the bike, and the carrier for that matter, are all out in the open for all to see, means that the lamp of your financial investment is not hidden under any bushels. Everyone can see that you are flush as well as sporty. If you can somehow transport more than one bike on the back of your car, you are also indicating to the public at large that you are not some sad lonely git, but have actually sucked other human beings into your orbit, which advertises the fact that you are a worth-while being.
Of course if you are wanting to transport your bike as part of a larger plan to attract a potential mate, you should make sure that you are only transporting one bike, as a larger number will make you look unavailable.

You may also wish to consider the relative value of the bike vis-a-vis the car in terms of posture: a very expensive bike on the back of an old banger gives off a different image than a mediocre bike on the back of a brand new top of the range saloon car. Factor in the cost of the carrier, and how well the carrier itself manages to carry of its looks, and you can see that there are a number of ways in which you can show off to the public at large, influencing the way in which you will be regarded.

For maximum exposure, you can join a motorway, taking care to travel in the direction of any tail-backs and traffic jams that may have been advertised on the traffic news. Tune into your local radio station for up-to-date information.

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25 Things To Do With A Bike (An Occasional Series) — #1

April 4th, 2012 by Biky Nick

The first of my 25 suggestions to you of things to do with your new bicycle is also the most obvious one: you can cycle.
As soon as you have purchased a bike (and cycling gear, and well-fitting shoes, a cycling map, reflective jacket, rain protection, liability insurance, cycle damage and loss insurance, a helmet, panniers, a puncture repair kit, a chain lock, and a wheel lock, all of which can be purchased from my shop), you will want to take it on the road.

Now you will be asking yourself, whither do I cycle? Take your cycle map and draw a rough circle around where you are, representing the distance you can plausibly travel in the time you want to take. If you have never cycled before, you may need to perform some test rides to establish a time frame. Remember that you will need to double the time, if you are also cycling back, or treble, if you plan to return by public transport. Now look around the circle and notice any intersecting interesting sights. Pick one, eat lunch, and off you go!

These people have just been to see that interesting little white church. If they had been travelling in the car, they would have whooshed past a white blur and they would never have known to stop and have a look. Cycling really gets you out and about, seeing things and taking the moral high ground!

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